Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
