Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
