i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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