i barfeds in our rink
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
