btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
