She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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