So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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