I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I will be naked everywhere
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
