Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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