I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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