everyone is single if you try hard enough
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Your cock deserves a montage
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
