im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
