Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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