We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
