Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
