Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
