Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Even my vagina gasped.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
