He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
