he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
