I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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