U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
