we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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