I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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