Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
