my mouth tastes like poor choices
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
