Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Of course I have a pirate flag
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize