Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
