I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
