I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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