remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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