It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
