Ambien. No doubt about it.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize