Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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