Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
