I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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