all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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