I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
