Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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