dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
