so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
