I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
