Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I am puke
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
