Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
