I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
