and she was petting her beer can
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I have aggressive nipples.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
