I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
