come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
