: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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