I wish I only lived at night.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
