you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize