I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
