He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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