Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
