i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I know her cup size but not her name....
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