Me too!
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
