So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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