I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
