Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
