Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize