you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
