Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
