brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
