You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He passed out mid-signature
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
