did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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