I faked an abortion last night.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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