I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
