I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
