Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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