If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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