well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
