If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Randomize
