conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
