yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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