i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
