Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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