Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
