i will never coherently bang her
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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