did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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