I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
