we have officially lost it.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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