well you can't waste a boner
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize