You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
