you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
