Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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