Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
