Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
