So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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