Already got asked if we're dating
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
