Someone shit on the floor
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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