I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
