once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
