Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
