she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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