bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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