Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
