I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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