Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
