He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
just tell him i said nine months
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
