no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
