There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
